Losing It

It's been a while since I posted, okay more than a while. An unforgivably long time. I'll apologize right now. Sometimes the ability to write just leaves me. Not in a slow subtle lingering goodbye. More like hopping a junk-yard train mid-kiss.

Thankfully this doesn't happen too often. When it does I'm left sort of shell shocked and twisting in the wind. I try to have writing built up for these rare occurrences. Thankfully I did when it comes to stories and the like. Sadly I spaced the whole blog aspect.

Thankfully the writing gift has embraced me again. I feel like that moment after you've been holding your breath too long. you take in a great lungful of air and your whole body wakes up. Your senses are no longer dull. The world finally has color and sound again.

I could list all the reasons I ended up this way. Specific stressors, life events, and even the holidays. But really the root of why the ability to write left me doesn't matter. At least not in hindsight. All I clearly know is that it's a feeling I loathe. It's almost like losing the ability to hear or speak. You manage, you function but not in the way you did before.

Writing is such a part of who I am that when it won't happen I feel slightly lost. I have an amazing family, husband, friends and the like. I would never make light of those wonderful gifts and how important they are. But to me not being able to write is painful. And then of course the vicious circle happens. Not being able to write frustrates and angers me and I get stuck there.


I hold onto the fact that it always passes. It took a while this time. Now though I'm on the other side of it. I'm standing outside the tunnel and enjoying the bright light of "I can do this again" 

For anyone whose hung on this long without thinking I'm a crazy woman I hope you never deal with this. If you have here's a cyber pat on the back so you know you're not alone.

It gets better. In the moments when it isn't better just know there is light at the end of that long black tunnel.